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JUST A NORMAL PORCINI HUNT

It’s a game where you go into the woods and look for porcini mushrooms.

So far, so good. ?

I could tell you about the characters, the things you can do, what happens in the forest, and all the other extremely intelligent ideas I put into the game.

But if I explained everything here, what would be the point of making you pay for it? ?

Since you’re going to have to spend money on it, you might as well enjoy the surprise.

Every run takes place in a procedurally generated forest, so at least you can get lost somewhere different each time.

All you really need to know is that, in real life, I’m a pretty bad mushroom hunter.

Very bad. ?

So instead of improving, learning how to read the forest, or peacefully accepting my limitations, I did the most reasonable thing:

I made a videogame where I could finally be good at finding mushrooms.

SPOILER: I still wasn’t. ?

There are porcini.

There’s a forest.

You have a basket.

And for a while, everything will seem perfectly normal.

For a while. ?

Also, people in these woods are very protective of their porcini.

Sometimes a polite chat is enough. Sometimes it takes a punch. ?

And if walking feels too slow, there’s a wild boar who can be persuaded to give you a ride. For a modest fee. In porcini. ?

One last thing: if something looks aesthetically questionable, it probably is.

But someone will still manage to appreciate it.

After all, that’s the same hope you have... ?

WHAT’S IN THE WOODS (OUR LAWYER SAID NOT TO WRITE THIS)

• A procedurally generated forest, different every hunt. So when you get lost, it’s a brand-new kind of lost.

• Real clues: moss, ferns, the right trees. Fake clues: anything the Fish Man says.

• Locals who would die for their porcini. Or at least take a punch for them. Whatever falls out is legally yours. (It is not.)

• A forest ranger who wants your mushroom permit. Show it, bribe the ranger, run, or climb a tree and wait for the problem to forget about you. Bribed rangers remember you. Fondly.

• A boar that gives rides. No saddle. No brakes. No dignity. Payment in porcini, upfront.

• Rain, fog, night and the occasional shower of porcini from the sky. Meteorologists are baffled. We’re not, we coded it.

• A porcino taller than you. Size matters. Sorry.

• Play as a muscle man, a doll or a banana. Then unlock worse. Including the person responsible for all this.

• Hard mode: poisonous lookalikes sneak into your basket. Eat responsibly. Or don’t, it’s a video game.

Overheard in the woods: “Fish detected. Filleting not required.” · “I came for the mushrooms. I stayed for the cardio.” · “Warranty… void…”

Mushroom ecology is simplified. Do not use this game to identify real mushrooms. Hospitals already have enough paperwork.