Купить Paddlenoid

You, an average human, crash-landed in an alien jungle. But you made it out alive, thanks to your trusty escape pod.

Together, you'll travel through the jungle in search of a city where you can (hopefully) launch back into space. Many trials and tribulations await! You'll face 33 unique levels and battle two guards before you're tested by our glorious empress DOHRA herself!

This game plays like a brick breaker, but with your home galaxy at stake!

TILT THE GALAXY

To smaller brained humans, tilting the galaxy may seem impossible. But in Paddlenoid, curving spacetime is trivial. We bound this function to your controller, mouse, or keyboard, whatever your preference.

Curving spacetime alters the future of your pod, which the smaller brain interprets as simply another way to guide your pod.

FEATURES

• Single-player or two-player local (couch) coop. Fight your SO for control of space-time.

• Tilt your galaxy to guide your escape pod. A brick breaker with straight lines? What is this, the 80s?

• Play with 3, 5, or 7 pods in reserve... Or in alternate realities.. same difference.

• 3 different episodes with a total of 33 levels and 3 boss fights. Test yourself against our glorious empress DOHRA!

• An engaging story with multiple endings. In at least one of these endings, your species lives!

• You're definitely not helping the alien fleet take control of our galaxy. Just felt like that should be clarified.

ABOUT US

Paddlenoid was made by a typical human enterprise in a mid-sized concrete colony, working tirelessly to present you with amusing pocket realities. We're motivated solely by your enjoyment and the irresistible pull of Earth's currency. Paddlenoid was manufactured in just 274 Earth orbits around its star.

No humans were seriously harmed during the making of Paddlenoid. There's no reason to look into it further. Just use your brain to create entropy and endorphins. 

... And don't forget to ignore the glitch crystals!